woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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