Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
