just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
