that's an acceptable place to lick
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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