Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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