we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
