You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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