I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
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It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
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Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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