I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
