I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
