I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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