ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
