My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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