she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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