Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Someone shattered a urinal.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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