Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize