I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Semen is not good for contacts.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment