Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....