dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i think i have herpe
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.