We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
