i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
