Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
