i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
