i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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