I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
