if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
