It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
