I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
