Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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