This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize