I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
