My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
