Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
