her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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