Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
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