Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
