Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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