so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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