ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
