9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
