Who wears a wallet chain?!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.