And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?