I can text with my tongue
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Found your dick twin last night
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
i now understand why vodka