Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
