..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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