I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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