I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
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She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
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I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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