In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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