So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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