Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
