It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
