she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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