So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
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She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
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WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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