he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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