when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...