Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(240): View more from Maryland

I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.

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(443): View more from Maryland

He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him

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(423): View more from Tennessee

She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.

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(719): View more from Colorado

it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.

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25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Read it at the TFLN blog
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.

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(607): View more from New York

Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.

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(561): View more from Florida

Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!

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(315): View more from New York

My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?

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(515): View more from Iowa

I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.

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