I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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