Screwed.edu
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
it glows. i had to have it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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