Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Hippo gnu deer
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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