I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
