dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
