You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
