The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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