Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize