smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
