Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
