Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
