I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
