I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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