if i can run in heels then i can drive
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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