She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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